yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
