i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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