made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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