my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize