maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Every concussion has its silver lining
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
