i just had sex bonerless
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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