Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my poor anus
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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