i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
