Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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