where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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