so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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