i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
