He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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