I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
