Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
