Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize