The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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