so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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