Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
