I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
