All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
