Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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