I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
