I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
