If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Someone came in the potted fern
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
