Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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