trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
