their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
