not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
