I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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