there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
