he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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