why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
