She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize