so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
