good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
