Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
