OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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