I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
