Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
