I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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