Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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