Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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