Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
