my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
