I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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