Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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