There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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