Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
