She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize