I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
