Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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