Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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