What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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