In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
