I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
