Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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