so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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