i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
