come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
