all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
