that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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