Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
