Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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