I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
