Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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