Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
