Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
