we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
