Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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