I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
