She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
